


Could Have Stayed Beside You (Could Have Stayed For More)

by seekrest



Series: Maybe In Another Universe [2]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hope is the Thing with Feathers, Immortal Peter Parker, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Protective Michelle Jones, inspired by tuck everlasting, more like hopeful ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21516115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekrest/pseuds/seekrest
Summary: “Breathe now or regret it later.” Peter had joked anytime she mentioned feeling a cold coming on, Michelle rolling her eyes - thinking that it was stupid of him to bring it up since he never got sick to begin with.For being as observant as she was, maybe she should’ve noticed it sooner.For being as smart as he was, maybe he should’ve too.Neither of them did.And now they lived with the consequences.—Tuck Everlasting AU
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Tony Stark, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Maybe In Another Universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1711183
Comments: 109
Kudos: 313





	1. Do Not Be Afraid of Death

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blondsak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blondsak/gifts).

> To blondsak, who suggested ten thousand years ago that I should write a Tuck Everlasting-esque fic. Who has listened to me vent about this for months. Who has been patiently waiting for my take on the immortal life of Peter Parker.
> 
> This is for you <3
> 
> _“Don’t be afraid of death. Be afraid of the unlived life.” _

Michelle takes a deep breath, as deep as she can manage as she waits for Annie. 

It’s a labored process, slow - something she’d always taken for granted. It reminds her of the joke Peter used to tell her - how no one really appreciates the fact that they could breathe without an issue until their nose is congested. 

“Breathe now or regret it later.” Peter had joked anytime she mentioned feeling a cold coming on, Michelle rolling her eyes - thinking that it was stupid of him to bring it up since he never got sick to begin with.

He hadn’t, not since the bite - even if Michelle still remembered the days when Peter Parker was out of school more often than not because of an asthma attack. 

She’d watched him for over a year before he noticed her, always claiming that she wasn’t obsessed - just observant. 

It’s something that Peter had later teased her about, something that became something of a running joke between them. 

That even if Michelle had been the first one to notice Peter, that Peter would spend the rest of his life looking after her.

For being as observant as she was, maybe she should’ve noticed it sooner.

For being as smart as he was, maybe he should’ve realized the truth of what he was saying.

Neither of them did. 

And now they lived with the consequences. 

* * *

Michelle felt the oxygen flowing to her nose through the cannula, even as the exhaustion weighed heavily on her - in her bones, in her soul. 

Michelle had lived a good life, a _ long _ one but her body was failing her, her eyes slowly taking in the room around her. 

It was nice, really no better place to greet her end. Hospice care wasn’t something that anyone particularly enjoyed looking into but it was something that Michelle - practical and honest to a fault - had been insistent about finding. 

A place that would be comfortable, a place with kind staff and kinder doctors.

A place of peace, letting her drift off from one world into the next. 

In the end, there really was no other better place than home. But Michelle was glad for the research anyway, glad that she could have some semblance of control over something that was inevitable. 

She’d never given much thought to death when she was young, focused too much on the world around her and making a change. 

It makes Michelle smile, the fire and passion of her youth - the burning desire to do good in the world. It’s a desire she had shared with Peter, albeit in different ways. 

If Michelle wanted to change the world around her with her words and her smarts, Peter used his mind and his powers - something that she had been objectively proud of him for, despite everything - even now. 

Peter had always been insistent that it was his responsibility to do good in the world, arguing with her that if he could do something and he didn’t - that it was almost as if he was the one who caused it.

Michelle had argued back, saying that even if he could change things that the world’s problems weren’t solely his burden to bear - something that had been a source of contention between them for years, if only because she couldn’t bear the idea of Peter leaving her. 

To go off and fight something that he would never come back from - something Michelle couldn’t bear to consider, the longer they loved each other. 

They couldn’t have imagined the possibility that she would one day leave him. 

Michelle closes her eyes, thinking back to those early days - when the world hadn’t been simple but had felt like it was, now with years of hindsight - realizing how ignorant they had really been. 

Lunch with Ned, awkward first dates with Peter, teasing him with Tony during visits at the cabin.

It was like memories of another life for Michelle now and in some ways, it was. 

Decades - time - it had a funny way of coloring memories, of altering them slightly until sometimes the memories of themselves weren’t nearly in focus but rather the feeling of them remained. 

Some things were still vivid - the first kiss on a bridge in London, her wedding day, the moment they had discovered the truth about Peter - but for the rest, it felt like a blur - a kaleidoscope of joy and pain and hurt and love. 

Michelle was thankful for her life - one that was rich and full and filled with unimaginable love. And even if her body was failing her, Michelle was glad that she hadn’t met a young and tragic end, not unlike the one she had always feared would happen to Peter.

Death wasn’t something to be feared or to resist, not like it was when she was young - terrified of losing Peter and what that would mean for her. 

When she left this world and greeted whatever came next, Michelle felt as if she - remembering the book series from her youth - would greet death as if he were an old friend. 

Yet death, no matter how much she was prepared for it - wasn’t something she liked to dwell on, no matter how inevitable it was. 

If only because now, in a twisted sense of fate - Michelle now couldn’t bear to think of what _ she _ would be leaving behind.

* * *

“How are we doing today, Mrs. Parker?”

Michelle smiled. Of all the things that had changed, of all the precautions she had to take - she was glad this was something that was still hers. 

Peter had said he was perfectly fine with changing his names to Jones if she wanted - something Michelle considered ironic now - but she hadn’t really cared.

Becoming a Parker felt right at the time, considering that there were so few Parker’s left in the world. And now, with the years between them and her life coming to an end, Michelle was thankful she had something of Peter’s to take with her when she left.

“Doing just fine, how are you Annie? Did you get that couch you were looking for?”

The nurse smiled, warm and inviting as all her nurses were. 

“I did, Mrs. Parker. Thank you for the suggestion, I didn’t even think to check the flea market.”

“People your age don’t but that’s fine.” Michelle remarked, smiling at Annie’s laughter. 

She couldn’t have been more than twenty-five, a young nurse but compassionate and skilled at what she did. Michelle liked all the people she was surrounded by but Annie was her favorite. 

In another lifetime, Annie had been the name of their someday daughter - Annie May, for her mom and for May. 

But that wasn’t meant to be. 

Annie didn’t ask questions beyond being polite, was dutiful and calm - a quiet presence that allowed Michelle time to think whenever she was alone, even if she was never alone for long.

“Regardless, I’m glad it helped you,” Michelle offered, Annie just smiling in return as she arranged the pillows on the chair beside her. 

“Of course Mrs. Parker. Is there anything else I can get for you?” 

Michelle shook her head, glancing at the door - Annie’s eyes following her.

“I’ll be sure to let him in.” Annie replies, her smile widening as she slipped out the door - beckoning for the one she had been waiting for to come in. 

Michelle knew it was suspicious. At first, Annie had likely assumed he was her grandson - had to be, for how young he was. But with the attention and care he showed to her, the intimate way he’d look at her - Michelle knew Annie was curious if the man who walked in was somehow taking advantage of her.

It was a reasonable concern - Michelle had done a series for the _ Times _ on the abuse of the elderly, the piece that had her win her first Pulitzer. But the fear was misplaced, Michelle’s eyes lighting up as he smiled at her.

Even if he didn’t look a day over twenty-five, looking just as young and as vibrant as Annie did - Michelle had loved the man in front of her for longer than Annie had even been alive.

“Morning.” Peter says, waiting for Annie to close the door behind her. When she does, he doesn’t waste another second - rushing up to her, eyes scanning her in a mirror of what Michelle knew she had done towards him in the years and years of their life together.

“You sleep okay? I still don’t like this, I can’t sleep well without you. You know that.”

Michelle laughs, taking Peter’s hand into hers - Peter bringing it up to his lips to it. 

“Can’t give people a reason to talk.”

“Since when do you care about what people think, MJ?” He says, even if Michelle can see the worry in his eyes. 

“Since I married you. Besides, can’t move to another city this time.”

Peter’s face falls at that, Michelle just squeezing his hand gently. 

“But if it bothers you that much, I don’t mind. Besides, I always did have a thing for younger men.”

As Peter’s laughter fills the room, the lightness of it illuminating every part of Michelle’s being, she’s glad that even if this was the end, if the reality of where she was felt all too real - at least she still had Peter by her side. 

* * *

They didn’t notice at first.

The blur of those first few years together were just that - a haze of deadlines and small apartments and cheap take out, building a foundation for what they assumed would be a long and happy life together. 

And it was, Michelle thinks - long and happy - even if their reflections didn’t match the years spent together. 

It wasn’t until their late twenties that either of them had even considered something was amiss.

Children had always been something Michelle considered in the abstract - a someday, a maybe, some far off thing she hadn’t really ever planned for. But falling in love with Peter and then marrying him, Michelle considered that maybe having a kid wouldn’t be so bad - especially if that kid could be a mix of her and him.

She can’t remember now how long they tried - the years blurring together but also remembering the flippant way they made those decisions back then - conversations over late night pizza or before rushing off to their respective jobs. Musing about whether naming their future children Ben and Annie was cute or cliche, wondering how they could figure out paternity leave for Peter, debating who they would spend holidays with when between the two of them, they had three sets of grandparents to haggle with.

It wasn’t until a year or so passed of actively trying that Michelle considered getting check up - only to find that there was nothing wrong.

And there hadn’t been. 

With her.

It wasn’t until they went to meet with Cho at the Compound that either of them became even slightly aware of how wrong things would become.

* * *

“So I can’t… I can’t have…”

Peter was at a loss for words, Michelle biting her lip as her eyes darted between his face and Tony’s. Cho’s voice rang out, kind but professional.

“We believe it’s a side effect of the radiation, though without further testing it’s hard to be sure. We can run some more tests but,” She gives the two of them a sad smile, “There’s really no information out there on Peter’s particular mutation. He’s one of a kind.” 

Michelle’s eyes are focused on Peter, seeing the wobble of his chin even as he tries to set it forward - going back to look at her. 

“We don’t have to do anything more today, kid.” Michelle hears Tony say, her eyes still on Peter as she watches him swallow something down, closing his eyes while he took a deep breath.

She had wanted kids with Peter, but even the idea of not having them at all - in the moment - didn’t really bother her. 

Michelle loved Peter, more than any kind of imaginary child. If she never had one, she was fine with it. 

But Michelle also knew - just like she had when she took his last name - that Peter wanted, even if he didn’t verbalize it, to have someone that looked like him. That he wanted a kid that would carry on his name and his family and his history in a way that was unique to the to of them. 

Michelle’s little sister was adopted and May - his mother in everything but in name - made it so that she knew Peter didn’t have to be convinced of the idea that family was what you made it, that fostering or adopting a child didn’t somehow make them magically less theirs. 

But it was still something he wanted, something that Michelle hadn’t quite realized just how desperately until she stared back at him - seeing the devastation building in his eyes that the reason they hadn’t been able to have kids was because of him. 

“It’s fine.” Peter croaks out, Michelle catching Tony’s eyes on her before nodding her head. 

“We’ll talk it more another time.” She turns to Cho, offering a small smile. “Thank you for letting us know. I think we’re going to head home.”

“MJ.”

“Let’s go home, Pete.” Michelle interjects, putting a hand to Peter’s face. He finally looks at her, Michelle feeling a lump in her throat at seeing the tears in his eyes. But he relents, letting her lead them away.

It’s not until they’re home, together that Peter finally breaks - holding him in her arms as he brings her closer to him, hearing his whispered sob as he burrowed his head into her shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare, Peter.” Michelle just tightens her arms around him, hoping that the way she holds him is enough to make him believe her. 

“I didn’t--I didn’t know--”

“I love _ you _ , Peter. _ You _. Kids or no kids.” Michelle whispers back, feeling Peter’s shoulders shake. She knew he wanted this, wanted to give this to her. But Michelle means every word, willing for him to listen to her. 

“I love you. I love us. You’re all I need, Pete. Always.” 

Peter says nothing in return, just holds her even tighter - Michelle pressed so firmly against him that it makes her wonder where she ends and he begins. 

It’s a closeness that comes with being intimate with someone, with knowing them almost better than you know yourself. A closeness that Michelle knows wasn’t just a result of their years together but for how much they loved each other. 

She didn’t know then what she knew now. Didn’t know just how much she would’ve wished - no matter how selfish it may be - that Peter would have someone with her when she was gone. 

At the time, she just held him, willing for him to know that they had each other and that was enough. 

* * *

“Do you need any more blankets?”

“I’m fine.” 

“MJ.” Peter’s voice is disapproving, causing Michelle to roll her eyes.

“I’m not you, Peter. I’m fine, I promise.” Michelle sighs as Peter seems to debate giving her a blanket anyway, before deciding to put it to her feet - just as he’d done for years, knowing that when she did get cold - her feet would be the first to feel it.

“You think Annie suspects something?”

Michelle tilted her head, glancing back at Peter - seeing the focused look on his face.

“No. Why, do you?”

Peter shrugs, his eyebrows furrowing as he tucks the blanket already draped over her in. “I’m not sure. She said something to me in the hallway the other day. Something…” Peter trails off, Michelle waiting patiently.

Peter was just as sharp as he’d always been, looked sixty years younger than what he actually was. But Michelle could see his age in his eyes - not physically but emotionally - seeing how he ran through his memories and reminded her so much of the boy she had fallen in love with.

“Just something she said.”

Michelle sighed. “Peter.”

“She mentioned the September foundation. Morgan’s granddaughter sent us an invitation to her 70th birthday. She must’ve seen it in our mail.”

“Oh Caroline?” Michelle asked.

Peter shook his head. “Vanessa. Anyway, she asked if you used to work for the September Foundation and when I said no, she said she came across an… interesting photograph.”

Michelle stilled, reaching for Peter’s hand. “I thought EDITH was able to scrub everything. Top to bottom.”

Peter took her hand, sitting on the bed - facing her. “I thought so too. I had her find it for me, later and I can tell why EDITH didn’t flag it. It’s fuzzy, you can barely tell it’s us unless you’re looking for it.” 

Peter smiles, even though Michelle could tell it didn’t reach his eyes. “It wasn’t even focusing on us but Tony.”

Michelle pursed her lips before saying, “Did you have EDITH delete the picture?”

Peter shook his head again. “No, I thought that would be more suspicious.” His eyes met Michelle’s - seeing the storm behind them.

“I don’t want to run again. Not now. Not with everything…”

Michelle nodded, putting another hand over Peter’s.

“Annie’s a good girl. Curious, but kind. Reminds me of someone else I knew.”

Peter laughed, leaning forward to kiss her. It was gentle but filled with so much meaning, Michelle feeling how soft his lips were - remembering back to the first time they’d ever kissed on that bridge in London.

But she’s reminded that she’s light-years away from that girl - even if Peter could still pass for who he was then. 

Peter leans back, Michelle seeing the tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry, MJ.”

“Peter--”

“This… this shouldn’t be how it is. We’re supposed to grow old together.”

Michelle smiled, feeling tears start to form in her own eyes, putting a hand up to his cheek. “We did, Pete. Sixty-one years, that’s more than some people get.”

Peter put a hand over the one on his cheek, closing his eyes. “MJ.”

“Don’t you dare tell me it didn’t count. I don’t regret a single minute of our lives together, Peter.” 

She runs her thumb across his cheek, smiling even as she sees a tear fall down his face. “_ Not one minute _.”

Peter closes his eyes, resting in her embrace for a moment. 

It’s quiet between them, Michelle thinking the conversation has ended. Only for Peter to speak up, saying words that break her heart. 

“I don’t either. But I didn’t get to grow _ old _ with you.”

She sees as he opens his eyes - tears freely falling down his face.

“I’ll never forgive myself for that.”


	2. Be Afraid of the Unlived Life

May was the first to notice. 

It was a casual comment, celebrating Peter’s thirtieth birthday - all together in the apartment she shared with Happy. Michelle had been standing with May, watching Peter and Happy joke with each other - laughing at Tony’s expense as they shared stories of his failed lab experiments, much to Morgan’s amusement. 

The apartment was crowded, knowing Tony had offered for them to have the party in his city penthouse or even out at the cabin, Michelle remembering the conversation Peter had on the phone with him. 

”No it’s okay, Tony. Thanks. May’s looking forward it.”

Peter nodded a few times as Michelle heard Tony on the other line, laughing at how excited he sounded.

”Yeah, sounds great. See you then.” Peter hung up, giving Michelle a sheepish grin.

”He just wanted to make sure everything was good, just in case May or Hap needed help.”

“He still thinks you’re a teenager, Pete. They all do.” Michelle had replied, Peter running a hand through his hair as he shook his head.

“Yeah, I know. It’s nice though you know,” Peter shrugged, “Not a bad thing to have too many people caring for you.” 

Having the family party for his birthday at May’s apartment had been his idea, Michelle already thinking of how she was going to keep Ned from spilling the beans about his flight back into the city for the surprise party back at their own place - running through the list in her head of what else she needed to bring before guests started to arrive. 

Peter was right, it was never a bad thing to have too many people caring for you.

They hadn’t known then how much that would end up hurting them. 

May sighs, Michelle’s head turning to look at her. 

“It’s hard to believe my baby’s thirty. When did I get so old?” Michelle nudged May with her arm, smiling. 

“Sixty-seven is hardly _ old, _May.”

“Old enough to qualify for those senior discounts, darling. Ben used to joke about them, how excited he was about getting to eat half-price with everyone else.” May answered wistfully, Michelle watching as her eyes traveled over to Happy, a sad smile on her face. 

Michelle recognizes the look on May’s face - from the years she’d been with Peter and late-night conversations with May on the nights Peter would be off overseas on some Avengers mission, spending weekends with either her or her own parents more often than not. 

When she was young, Michelle never had a problem being alone - relishing in the chance to keep her own company. But her life with Peter, the danger that he found himself in - Michelle lived in quiet terror at the possibility that she’d receive a phone call she never hoped to get, a phone call that would come when she was alone - keeping them around her in those moments, knowing that her parents and May could serve as a balm if that nightmare ever became true.

From their late night conversations, especially with May, Michelle became intimately acquainted with Ben - though by knowing Peter, she knew that his influence lived on in the way he carried himself. 

She’d asked May once, in one of her darker moments - how she ever was able to move on and find happiness again when from all that she knew, she had loved Ben so deeply and so fully that it seemed almost impossible to replicate it.

It was in a moment when her own nightmares of losing Peter terrified her, wondering - even if she hated to consider it - if she would ever be able to find love again if she lost him. 

But May had explained to her, in the gentlest of ways, that love that’s lost can never be moved on from, only changed. That the love she had with Happy was no less important but was irrevocably different than what she’d had with Ben, something Michelle believed she understood at the time and recognized now. 

It was a thought that she carried with her, only later realizing just how much of her fears had been unfounded. But Michelle hadn’t known it at the time. 

“Anyway,” May continued, “It’s just hard getting old. One day you’re twenty-five and have the whole world at your fingertips and then the next…” May trails, May seeing the smile on her face deepen. “Your baby’s thirty years old, married to a wonderful woman and living a life better than you could’ve ever imagined.”

Michelle smiled as May faced her, a pang of remorse at the idea that the one thing Peter would be robbed of was the same thing May would never get to experience. 

They’d looked into adoption, once Peter had the chance to come to terms with everything - only to realize how incompatible his life as Spider-Man would really be, knowing they’d have to risk his secret getting out if they were ever able to pass a home-visit, knowing that his job at SI was reliable but the long, months long process that it would take to be approved would raise a lot more questions than answers. 

In the end, they’d mutually decided that having children - in any way - wasn’t for them. But seeing the sadness in May’s eyes, the knowing between them that May would never get the chance to be a grandmother, made Michelle wish the universe had been kinder to them. 

“But I swear,” May laughed, “It’s like I see him and I still see that over-eager teenager, half-expecting him to rush into the room and tell me he needs a permission slip signed.”

Michelle joined in with her laughter but had dismissed it at the time, Peter glancing back to the two of them as if he knew they were talking about him - knowing that with his hearing, he probably did.

He’d smiled so bright it overwhelmed her, Michelle not even realizing at the time how right May had been. 

None of them had. 

* * *

“Peter, stop pacing. You’re making me dizzy.”

She watched in amusement as he looked back to her, winking as he put a hand to the ceiling - landing softly on his feet. 

“Besides, you’re the one who’s always saying we have to be careful. What if Annie would’ve come in?”

Peter just smiles, seeing the sadness in his eyes. “I think Annie knows, MJ.”

Michelle waits, sitting up. “What happened? I thought you had EDITH do another search, keeping the picture she found up but taking everything else--”

Peter shook his head, coming back up to sit beside her. “It’s not just the picture. I had EDITH search through her phone.”

“_ Peter _.” Michelle furrowed her eyebrows, chastising him softly even if she knew it wasn’t unwarranted.

Michelle had loved Tony immensely - but the surveillance power that EDITH had, the power that he’d given to Peter, the power he was capable of - had been an argument that they had over the years, one that neither of them had come to an agreement about - even if Michelle knew at this point how vital it was.

It had been a more intense argument in their youth but one that Michelle had to make peace with, considering the ways she had saved them in more ways than one.

She still didn’t care for the idea, unless it was absolutely necessary, Peter looking apologetically at her. 

“I know, I know, but this is serious, MJ. I had to know if she was… if she was going to ask around, put us at risk. Put _ you _ at risk.” 

Michelle stays silent, seeing the look on his face - letting him continue. 

He sighs, his gaze going elsewhere - Michelle watching as he tapped his fingers against his thigh. “She’s looked you up, saw that you were married to a Peter Parker.”

He met her gaze, brown eyes boring into hers. “She can’t find pictures, she’s tried. But I think she knows. She keeps searching for me.” Peter gives a short laugh, running his hands through his hair. 

“And considering Benjamin Jones didn’t exist until ten years ago, I think she’s smart enough to figure out something’s… not right.”

Michelle tapped her fingers against the bedspread, mind racing. The smart thing would be to leave, like they had the first time - but Michelle had meant what she had said before. 

If they left - it wouldn’t be a they. She wouldn’t survive the trip, wondering just how long she actually had left. And as much as everything within Michelle yelled at her to tell Peter to run, she knows that would be a fruitless argument - knowing that he’d sooner die than leave her.

Something she already knew he couldn’t do. 

“What do you think?”

Peter sighs again, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know, MJ. I don’t… I don’t know.” He exhaled, opening his eyes - seeing the grief in them. 

“I don’t know what to do anymore. 

* * *

Michelle didn’t start to notice until Tony started getting older. 

The greying of his hair had happened during the years they had lost in the Blip, Michelle having never met the man beforehand - only knowing anything of who he was through Peter. 

After their European trip from hell, Michelle met Tony almost immediately after they had gotten home - the anger that Peter had dealt with a situation he should never had to because of some guy with an eye-patch’s meddling and yet the utter relief that Peter was still somehow okay, EDITH flagging a last-ditch effort for his identity to be revealed - something that seemed almost ironic in retrospect.

Michelle hadn’t known what to make of Tony, at first. Growing up with the Avengers meant picking up their histories like osmosis -- hearing about their lives through pop-culture tidbits, stories on the news, overhearing her classmates gossip.

But meeting the man firsthand - Peter telling her how he’d saved them all and almost died because of it - made Michelle respect him a little more than she ever had before. 

A respect only magnified from seeing him with Peter. 

Tony clearly loved him like a son, a love that Michelle could see was reciprocated from Peter - knowing how many people in his life he had lost and how thankful he seemed that the universe had been kind to him in this one aspect. That he didn’t have to outlive yet another father figure, long before their time.

It was at one of Tony’s birthday parties that Michelle first began to wonder.

* * *

“Happy birthday old man!” 

Michelle smiled at the two of them, Tony bringing Peter into a tight hug - seeing the way Tony’s eyes closed as he pulled in Peter tighter.

“You don’t get to call me old man anymore, kid. God you’re what, thirty-five now?”

Tony brings him out of the embrace, searching his face - Michelle seeing something shift in his eyes, something she can’t quite place. 

“Sometimes I look at you and it’s like I still see that nerdy fifteen-year old, telling me he couldn’t go to Germany because he had homework.”

Michelle couldn’t see the eye roll but she could feel it, walking up to Tony as Peter laughed. His comment brought back to when May had said the same thing at Peter’s party, Michelle pushing it away - chalking it up to something only a parent would say, knowing her own mother told her that she didn’t see a grown woman when she looked at her, but her baby. 

“It’s been _ years _, Tony. Let it go.” Peter answered back. 

Tony laughed but there was something about the look on his face that made Michelle pause - even as he turned his attention to her, smiling. 

“How’s my favorite Parker doing?”

“Hey!” Peter exclaimed, Michelle laughing as she leaned in to hug him. 

“Don’t let May hear you say that.” Michelle replied. Tony winked, nodding towards Peter.

“Nah she agrees, you’re the favorite around here.” 

Peter sighed, looking past him. “Is Morgan here yet? Finally get a chance to talk to my favorite _ Stark _ for a change.” 

As Peter walked past the two of them, Michelle’s focus stayed on Tony - watching as he stared at Peter as he walked away.

“You doing okay?” She asked, seeing as he sighs, shaking his head.

“I’m good, kid. Getting old.” He turns back to her, seeing the question forming behind his eyes. “Doesn’t look like it’s caught up to Pete though.”

Michelle glanced over to him, watching as he and Morgan hugged, seeing how she came in from around the kitchen island.

They didn’t get a chance to see each other as often as they had when they were young - Morgan’s work with the September Foundation taking her all over the world and Peter’s own work at SI and as Spider-Man keeping him busy. But seeing them side by side, Michelle was suddenly struck with how much Morgan had grown and changed. 

And how much Peter had decidedly _ not _. 

Seeing them together, it was almost obvious - Michelle feeling like if she saw them walking down the street, that she would’ve guessed they were the same age rather than the eleven years between them. 

Michelle hadn’t considered how much of an anomaly it was, for Peter to look so unbelievably _ young _ \- not when she looked in the mirror and felt as if she saw someone so similar to the person she had always been, thinking of how May had commented that her own mom was aging gracefully.

But seeing Morgan and Peter together, talking and joking - it was as if a lightbulb went off, realizing for the first time that Peter looking the same _ wasn’t _ normal, the sight of how _young_ he looked standing next to Morgan almost unsettling.

Cho’s words from all those years ago come back to her - _ he’s one of a kind _ \- striking something within her that later Michelle would recognize as the start of her questions, just months before they’d found out the truth.

Of course he was one of a kind, Peter was unlike any other person she had ever met. Michelle reasoned that it was part of the reason why she fell in love with him, knowing how good and kind and honest he was - a relentless optimism that inspired her. 

But there was something about this realization that scared her, even if she couldn’t begin to name what it could be. 

It was something that years later, Michelle would wish she had paid more attention to - a feeling that she wished, almost achingly so, that she had asked about sooner. Though what she would’ve done with that knowledge, she didn’t know. 

Maybe then they could’ve found a solution. Maybe then they could’ve done something about it.

But even Michelle knew that there was nothing to be done.

* * *

The day they found out the truth was both the best and worst day of Michelle’s life.

The best because her worst fears were unfounded, the knowledge that there was nothing that could ever happen that would ever take Peter away from her.

The worst when she realized - fully and completely - just what that would mean.

For her.

And for Peter.

* * *

“MJ, have you seen what’s happening?” 

Michelle paused, the fear and panic in May’s voice causing a shiver down her spine, cursing the lack of service that she had in the basement of the building she was in.

She’d been knee-deep in research for a story, looking up old archives in the cold basement. Stepping out for lunch, she expected a few messages - even telling Peter beforehand what she had planned to do, just so that he wouldn’t worry.

But what Michelle hadn’t expected was the onslaught that she’d gotten, barely getting the chance to glance over the dozens of voicemails from Tony and May - but most of all from Peter, right before May had called again. 

“No, I’ve been---”

Michelle walks out of the elevator, only to see the newsroom in chaos - watching in horror as people were crowded around the window, trying to catch a glimpse of something - seeing others crowded around one of the televisions on the walls - all transfixed, watching something - knowing before May even answered that they were watching Peter. 

“He’s been fighting those maniacs in Times Square. It’s…” She hears May’s soft gasp, just as she sees some of her co-workers’ hands go to their mouths, rushing forward only for her to stomach to drop.

Michelle sees it, an immediate replay of something that would haunt her for years. 

Peter, suit torn up and mask ripped to shreds, barely covering his face as he sent another web out, trying to evade one of Shocker’s blasts, only for a shot to ring out - watching as he flinches, taking a beat too long to recover. 

And then she sees the thing that was worse than any of her nightmares, the chaos of the newsroom tuning out of focus, May’s sobs on the other end of the line receding into nothing.

Because the only thing she can see - the only thing that matters to her - is Peter, watching in horror as one of Doc Ock’s tentacles slice right through him, piercing him from front to back - suspended in mid-air - before slamming him straight into the ground. 

* * *

Michelle waits, seconds that can’t be wasted but she’s immobile - the panic holding her in place as she waits with bated breath for Peter to get back up, watching as Doc Ock dumps him on the ground. 

Michelle wants to run, looking on in horror as his villains surround him - waiting for Peter to get back up. 

It’s only when she finally hears one of her co-workers cry that she’s broken out of her stupor, watching as Iron Man, War Machine and Rescue arrive just seconds too late, blast them all out of the way, fighting to bring them all into custody as Tony flies straight to Peter.

But Michelle is focused on the camera still on Peter, the sinking feeling in her stomach growing larger - watching as Tony sinks down to his knees, bringing Peter close as he holds him in his arms. 

Michelle graduated as valedictorian at Midtown Science, was in the top of her program at Harvard. But it takes her far too long to realize the reason behind the shaking of Tony’s shoulders, rocking Peter gently back and forth - failing to understand why he hadn’t left.

Tony would never hesitate to rush off from the scene, wouldn’t waste a single second to grab Peter like he had so many times when they were young, flying him off to get the medical attention he desperately needed.

There wouldn’t be a reason for him to still be there, in the middle of Times Square, with all the cameras all focused on them - rocking in place, wasting valuable time to save him.

Michelle feels her own knees buckle, faintly feeling her co-workers gentle hands on her shoulders as she sinks down to the floor - the realization hitting her deep in her core.

There wouldn’t be a reason. 

Unless it was too late.

Unless Peter was already gone. 


	3. You Don’t Have To Live Forever

“Peter, we have to discuss this.”

“We don’t have to do anything, MJ. Just—please.” His brown eyes – young, _ his eyes were so young _ – pleading with her. 

“I think we should talk to her.”

Peter shook his head, Michelle sighing that his age did nothing to quell his stubbornness. His appearance only exacerbated Michelle’s memories, seeing how he frowned in the same way that he had for decades - as if she was seeing into her past and his future all at once, knowing that his face would stay the same for decades more. 

Michelle pushes the thought aside, forcing herself to be in _ this _ moment with him - trying to convince him of the solution to their questions. 

It was clear by now to Michelle that Annie suspected something. She was too smart and too curious, though she’d yet to outright ask Michelle or Peter anything - knowing on some level that Annie’s code of ethics when it came to patient care likely prevented her from doing so. 

Yet Michelle could see it in her eyes, anytime she came in to check on Michelle - adjust the oxygen levels or ensure all the machines keeping her comfortable were still working as well as they could. 

Annie knew something, likely wanted to know the truth. 

And Michelle was ready to give it to her, though Peter was reluctant. 

“Peter--”

“_ No _, MJ. I don’t want to talk about this with her. I don’t--” She saw as he sighed again, holding her hand as he leaned in - inches away from her face. 

“We don’t have this kind of time, MJ. I don’t want to waste our time together on…” Peter trailed off, Michelle seeing the tension all over his face, the concern and the grief and the heartbreak. 

She hated this, to be just yet another person in the long line of people in Peter’s life who would leave him behind. It was unfair - of the universe, of the promises that they had made to each other - but Michelle couldn’t change the fate that had been laid out for Peter any less than she could change hers. 

She’d come to accept it, as best she could - even if the idea of Peter living on in a world without her was devastating for her to consider. 

Especially since she was intimately and painfully aware of what a world without him felt like.   
  


* * *

Agony. 

Pure, unadulterated agony.

Michelle had no recollection of how she was moved away from the _ Times _ building, vaguely aware of co-workers’ gentle hands and then a voice she recognized in the background - her body moving almost robotically until she came back to herself, aware that she was in the quinjet.

She felt May beside her, blinking a few times as she stared down to where their hands met before glancing at her face - seeing an expression that Michelle knew if she looked into a mirror, was a direct reflection of how she felt.

May’s eyes were red, her cheeks lined with tear streaks from where her mascara had been ruined. She was staring off into the distance now, Michelle looking to the other side - seeing Happy in the pilot’s seat. 

Michelle didn’t have to ask to know exactly where they were going, knowing from the stillness and the quiet - knowing now that her brain was working, that the memories were flooding back to her and the connections all lining up - that they were headed to the Compound.

She’d been several times over the years, always in situations when Peter had gotten into a little more trouble than he could handle, simultaneously pissed off and relieved that he was drugged up in the medbay. She’d told him once, how much she hated seeing him hurt but what was worse - how much she hated the feeling of helplessness - knowing that there wasn’t anything she could do but sit and wait for him to wake up. 

Her whole body shudders, a sharp pain in her chest as she gasped - the sound of it causing May’s grip in her hand to tighten. 

It hit her again, in waves - of what had happened, the reel of Peter getting cut clean through, of being flung down to the ground - _ hard _ \- unmoving, remembering how Tony’s whole body shook as he cradled him in his arms. 

Michelle wasn’t heading to the Compound to wait for him to wake up. They weren’t headed towards any sense of hope, any whisper of a chance that Peter would open his eyes, smile and give some kind of stupid joke. 

She knew the quinjet was fast but Michelle almost wished that it wasn’t - to delay the inevitable, to the truth that was waiting for her from the minute she saw the footage that cut straight into her soul.

Peter was dead. 

They weren’t going to the medbay.

They were going to the morgue. 

* * *

Michelle knows what she’s walking into as soon as she steps onto the tarmac, but it doesn’t get any easier - feeling as if every step that she takes is like a knife sinking deeper and deeper into her gut. 

The only thing grounding her is May’s tight grip in her hand, almost feeling as if for May - Michelle’s presence was the only thing keeping her from falling apart. 

Michelle understood - it’s how she felt too. 

Happy flanked May’s other side, guiding them forward - Rhodes meeting them at the door as they walked. 

She hears his voice, can register that Happy’s answering but Michelle’s not listening, getting lost to the grief that is overwhelming her - a deep, bottomless pit of darkness. 

Michelle’s moved forward but her mind is in the past - thinking of this morning, when she’d kissed Peter goodbye before heading off to work, rolling her eyes in annoyance when he’d brought her back two more times to kiss her.

“Peter, I’m gonna be late.” She’d scoffed, Peter just kissing her again as he smiled. 

“Play hooky with me. Come on, MJ.” 

Michelle had only rolled her eyes again, giving some kind of excuse that she couldn’t remember now - kissing him soundly on the lips once more before she grabbed her keys and left, not even looking back as she walked out the door. 

It almost doubles her over, the possibility that this could’ve been prevented - that even if he would’ve always met his end in the middle of Times Square - that she could’ve had more time with him, the hours that had been wasted shivering in a cold, dark basement as Peter fought for his life. 

Michelle can feel a soothing hand on her back, knowing from the faint smell of vanilla that it was Pepper, everything suddenly snapping into focus as she looks at her - seeing the tears in her eyes. 

“MJ. I’m so sorry.” Michelle lets out a sob, feeling the warm pressure of May’s hand in her other hand. 

She turns to look at her - seeing the grief she feels so clearly mirrored back in May’s eyes and she starts to shake her head, closing her eyes as the hot tears fall down on her face.

“He’s… is he--”

“Come on, they-- we need to go see him.” She can hear the waver in May’s voice, but sees the way she straightens her jaw - remembering that for May that she’s done this before, many times before, and wonders how the hell May has had any semblance of sanity when she’s had to bury her parents, her in-laws, her husband and now--

Michelle can’t hold back the tears now, May’s grip still tight and Pepper almost holding in her place. She had never been an outwardly emotional person, too terrified of allowing anyone too close to her - the fear of being vulnerable causing her to put up walls… only for them to come crumbling down because of Peter. 

But now he was gone and Michelle couldn’t even begin to make sense of it. 

Michelle lets herself feel it, then tries in vain to swallow it down - telling herself that if May was able to hold herself together after the countless losses that she’d faced, that she could do the same. 

“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go see him.” May’s voice is the beacon Michelle is desperately holding on to, letting her lead her towards a room in the opposite direction of the medbay, glad in some way that wherever Peter was - he wasn’t lying on a cold, metal slab in a dark room like she’d imagined but seemed to be - from where they were headed - in a room. 

It’s when they’re walking down the hallway that she hears him, feeling his presence behind her like a magnet - the three of them united on a different level than everyone else. 

Peter was loved by so many people in the world, yet Michelle thought - May by her side, knowing Tony was right behind them - that the people who possibly loved him the most were all together, walking towards to his old room. 

Cho is there waiting for them, a somber expression on her face. “I’ll be right out here, if you need anything.”

None of them answer her but there’s no words that need to be said, Michelle’s whole body oriented towards the open door - walking side-by-side with May as they enter the room where Peter was. 

Michelle wasn’t sure what she expected when she saw him, knowing on some level that the point of taking him into this bedroom rather than the medbay or some other kind of clinical room was that there was nothing more that could be done - to give them the chance to see Peter without the blood and the mess. 

It occurred to her that is exactly how Tony had seen him, the memory of Peter getting cut through - of Peter’s _ death _ \- flashing through her eyes until she blinks it away, looking forward to see Peter as he was in front of her. 

He looked almost as if he was asleep, wearing a Stark Industries t-shirt - his curls wild with a blanket covering his lower half, arms laying gently at his sides. Michelle doesn’t let her mind wander to the fatal injuries that the blanket is likely covering, focusing instead on his face - how pale it looks and how still he is. 

She’d seen him like this so many times before, laying still after an injury but there’s no rise and fall of his chest, no machines softly beeping to provide some kind of recognition that he was alive. 

It hits Michelle again - she wonders if she’ll ever wrap her head around it - that he’s really and truly gone.

She lets go of May’s hand, May going to one side of the bed while Michelle sits by another - kneeling down, feeling Tony hover next to her. 

“Hi baby, we’re here.” She hears May whisper, watching in silence as May brings a hand to ruffle through his hair, pushing it back in a way that Michelle knows she’s done so many times before. 

May keeps softly whispering to Peter but Michelle doesn’t hear it, studying his face as if she doesn’t already know the exact number of freckles on his face, as if she hadn’t already spent almost two decades memorizing every detail about the man she loved. 

It was visceral, a deep and aching loss - one that Michelle had spent years dreading and silently preparing for and yet now that it was here, had no way of reconciling as something that she’d be able to live with. 

She can hear Tony speak now, the words fading out as she continued to look at Peter. Michelle’s not sure how long they’re in the room, only aware that time has passed by the ache in her knees, Tony’s hand on her shoulder bringing her to turn her head up to face him. 

Michelle can see the tears in his eyes, knowing that later she would have to thank him for doing the unimaginable - for holding Peter, for flying him out here, knowing that his grief was as overwhelming as hers. She can also see May giving an almost tortured smile, their voice starting to have meaning again.

“We’ll… we’ll let you talk to him, okay? He’d… he’d want you to have a moment, just the two of you.” 

Michelle’s eyes flit between May and Tony’s, giving a nod - not trusting herself to speak, Tony’s grip on her shoulder tightening for a second before it lets go, both of them turning away and shutting the door behind them.

Michelle turns back to Peter and allows herself - just for a second - to break down. 

The pain in her chest is so heavy, it feels as if there’s nothing she’ll ever be able to do to breathe soundly again, closing her eyes and going to hold one of Peter’s hands, shivering at how cold and hard it already it was.

Michelle has a million things she wants to say, a thousands words and feelings - how angry she was that he’d left her, how devastated she was at the idea of finally having to give the eulogy that she’d written countless times in her head, how lost she already felt that the brightest star in her universe gone. 

She knows this won’t be her last goodbye, but it will be her only private one - choosing to kiss him on the forehead as she let tears fall down, brushing them away with her thumb. 

“I’ll never stop loving you.” Michelle finally whispers, tracing her finger across his face. It’s not everything but it’s all she can manage right now, her legs feeling shaky as she goes to stand, the blood flow having been cut off from kneeling for so long. 

Michelle turns to leave the room, only to stop - looking back at him, wishing that she’d done that earlier that morning - when he would have had the chance to smile and wink at her like he had so many times before. 

He doesn’t - laying there peacefully. Michelle forces herself to turn away, letting the door close behind her - leaving a part of herself behind. 

* * *

The memory of that goodbye flashes before Michelle’s eyes as she stares back into Peter’s, sighing again as her head starts to hurt. 

“I’m not gonna let you put yourself at risk, not for--”

“Peter.” Michelle starts to feel light-headed, closing her eyes. But Peter’s on a roll now, hearing his voice again. 

“It’s too risky. I know you like her and I like her too, but MJ, I’m not going to run. And I don’t want any of our time to be affected by someone else, not if she decides to leak this to the press.”

“Peter--” Her heart rate monitor starts beeping then, Michelle leaning her head back - hearing Peter’s sharp intake of breath.

“MJ? MJ, what’s wrong?”

Michelle blearily opens her eyes, the headache she has ratcheting up in intensity - seeing the resistance in Peter’s eyes turn to panic, his hand going to her face. 

“MJ, talk to me.”

“It’s…” Michelle knows she just needs to rest, that the conversation was a bit too much for her - cursing the way her body was failing her. But the alert is enough to bring Annie rushing in, opening her eyes to see the hardness in her features - checking the monitor and rushing forward to Michelle, transforming the kind face she’d come to know into the well-equipped nurse she knew Annie was. 

“How are we doing, Mrs. Parker? Can you tell me how you’re feeling?” 

“Tired.” Michelle speaks barely above a whisper but it’s enough for the blood in Peter’s face to drain, Annie nodding curtly before turning to him. 

“Can you give us a minute, Mr. Jones?”

“No, I’m--”

“Mr. Jones.” Annie’s voice is firm, but Michelle shakes her head. 

“No, he can’t leave. He has to stay.”

There’s a flash of something in Annie’s eyes, before her voice - kind and professional but firm - rings out, saying, “Mrs. Parker, I understand that he’s close to you but--”

“He’s my husband.” 

It’s as if all of the oxygen is sucked out of the room, but Michelle doesn’t care - Annie nodding once more as if she’d commented on the weather. 

“All the better reason for him to step out. I need to do my job, Mrs. Parker.” 

“_ Please _.” Michelle whispers, feeling herself start to drift. 

“MJ.” Peter takes her other hand, looking into his eyes and seeing the remorse in them - knowing how wracked with guilt he must be, as he always was - for things that were far beyond his control. 

Annie gets to work on checking her vitals, but Michelle is transfixed - staring into Peter’s face - seeing the grief she recognized so well in his eyes, sending right back to the day their lives changed forever.

* * *

Michelle feels numb, staring into nothing as she sits in a living room type area - her brain not catching up to where in the Compound she could possibly be or how she even found herself there. 

It’s like there’s gaps in her memory, spaces that her mind can’t pull from as it tries to cope with the loss in front of her. 

She blinks, glancing over to another couch to see May and Happy, whispering about something as the television plays in the background. 

Michelle’s not listening but then she hears a sound almost like a hiss, glancing up to see Rhodes grab the remote - her eyes seeing the screen for a split-second, the footage of Peter dying and the ticker on the bottom reading “SPIDER-MAN DEAD, CITY MOURNS”.

“Turn it off.” She hears Tony’s pained whisper, glancing over to the other couch now, seeing Pepper settled behind him - her eyes trained on Michelle. 

She inexplicably remembers another time when they were all crowded around a living room, after a particularly bad fight with some lizard - Peter hooked up to a ventilator, May and Tony in the room with him.

Michelle had needed a minute, just to try and get ahold of herself - only for Pepper to join her, keeping her company as she had tried to process it.

“How do you ever get used to this?” She remembered asking, Pepper softly shaking her head.

“You don’t. You just hope that they come back to you and trust that they’ll be okay.” Michelle could still feel Pepper’s hand on her shoulder and the warm smile she’d given her before she’d said, “And he will, he’s gonna be okay.”

Pepper must remember the same moment, the sadness in her eyes so piercing that Michelle has to look away. 

Rhodes turns off the television, the silence somehow feeling louder. 

A cell phone rings, startling Michelle and the rest of them - Pepper going to grab it even as Tony says, “Leave it.” 

She reaches for it anyway, Michelle watching as her face falls. “It’s Morgan.” 

It’s as if the realization of Peter being dead hits Michelle - and seemingly Tony - all over again, Michelle turning her face away only to see the brokeness on May’s face, closing her eyes. 

She hears Pepper answer the phone, faintly hearing the sobs on the other line - knowing Morgan was likely in disbelief that this was real too. 

There was so much they had to do, none of which Michelle felt particularly equipped for - knowing that she didn’t have to do any of it now. 

Yet it was still there, beckoning to her - recognizing that for all the grief that weighed heavily on them - so thick she could almost cut through it - that theirs wasn’t the only one to contend with.

Michelle had to call her parents, had to call _ Ned _ \- absentmindedly wondering where her phone was. 

She tries to take a deep breath, still feeling the pressure on her chest - opening her eyes as she tries to find the strength to do what needed to be done. 

She always made lists, a plan for how to tackle their life together. Michelle couldn’t fathom how she was going to wake up tomorrow but she could do this, find her cellphone and try and come up with an idea for how to tell the rest of the people in her world about the greatest loss in hers. 

For as long as she loved him, Michelle had been preparing for the day she’d become Peter’s widow. And while there was nothing that could’ve truly prepared her for this moment, she tried to summon the courage within her to push forward anyway. 

Michelle looks up to the entryway as she goes to stand, only to freeze - standing up straight and doing a double take as her stomach drops. 

She’d read somewhere that in times of extreme emotional distress, that it was normal for the brain to play tricks on you - a coping mechanism to try and make sense of the world around you. Yet knowing this and still _ seeing _ what - or who - was in front of her still shocks her, the suddenness of her movements startling May - looking to her as she asked, “Sweetheart, what--”

May follows her line of sight, only to gasp - the whole room seemingly shifted off its axis as they turn to face him. 

Because there in the entryway is a ghost, someone who was cold, lying in a dark room - the loss they were all trying to grapple with. 

Peter steps forward, Michelle’s mouth feeling dry as she takes in his disheveled hair, seeing his confusion as he looks at all of their faces before landing on hers, opening his mouth and saying the words that will play on a highlight reel in her mind for decades. 

“What happened?”   
  



	4. You Just Have To Live

Everything settles, as Michelle knew it would after a few minutes - Annie administering some pain medication as Peter watches, still holding her hand before he speaks. 

“I’m—“

“Don’t you dare apologize to me, Pete. This wasn’t on you.”

“We shouldn’t be arguing. Not now. Not when—“ Michelle cuts him off, running her thumb across his hand as Annie looks on between the two of them.

Michelle holds Peter’s gaze for a second but it’s enough for her to know he understands, the years they’ve spent together filling in the gaps - communicating without words.

She looks to Annie, seeing the neutral expression on her face - one that Michelle knows from how long Annie’s been her nurse that she’s forcing herself to be professional even if Michelle can see she so desperately wants to understand.

“Is everything okay?” She hears Peter ask, her eyes still on Annie as she nods.

“This kind of overexertion is normal at this stage. Mrs. Parker just needs to rest.”

Annie’s eyes dance between the two of them, Michelle seeing the question in them before she schools her features - professionalism winning out as she nods curtly to her.

“I’ll be outside if you need anything, Mrs. Parker.”

She goes to turn away but Michelle shakes her head, reaching out a hand before saying, “Wait.”

Annie does, Michelle looking into Peter’s eyes once more - seeing both the remorse and the acceptance of what Michelle wanted to do in them - before looking back at Annie.

“You have questions.”

Annie’s transforms into a tight smile, one that Michelle recognizes for when she’d do the same - trying not to scare off a lead but knowing that she needed to have an answer before she left about whatever story she was working on.

Annie doesn’t seem like she’s looking for a story - not in that sense. Just innately curious, picking up on the fact that there was more to the relationship between the two of them - knowing it from watching them for the past month and a half. 

Michelle admires her restraint, confirming for her that this was the right thing to do even as Annie says, “It’s none of my business, Mrs. Parker. I’m sorry if I’ve caused any kind of trouble.”

Peter sighs, less out of annoyance and more exhaustion - Michelle’s heart breaking that his appearance once again betrayed him. That he couldn’t have a moment to look as tired and as worn as she knows he feels, knowing that it would be received better coming from someone who looked more like she did.

“You’re not any more trouble than I’ve been to her over the years.” Peter finally says, laughing even if there’s no humor in it. 

Michelle watches the two of them, seeing as Annie studies him - knowing the question she’s going to ask before she does.

“And how long has that been?”

Peter turns back to Michelle, squeezing her hand as Michelle says, “Almost seventy years.”

* * *

Michelle can’t help but hold him, one hand firmly in his with the other still absentmindedly tracing circles in his arm, sneaking glances to him as he looks back to Cho, eyebrows furrowed.

They’re in the medical bay now, May pacing back and forth while Tony stares at Peter like he’s a ghost - like if he shifts away from him that he’ll disappear.

Michelle understands the feeling, the grip on his hand tightening as he squeezes back - feeling his pulse pump through it.

It’s a miracle, an answer to the prayers she didn’t even believe in saying - the universe finally doing right by Peter Parker and letting him live.

But it was also impossible - knowing as well as she knew anything that this wasn’t just his healing taking its time.

Peter had been _ dead _.

And now he was undeniably alive. 

The room had erupted into chaos when he’d walked in, May screaming with both Tony and Rhodey grabbing gauntlets - unsure of what the hell was in front of them. Michelle had been frozen in place, refusing to allow her mind to accept something that couldn’t be real as Peter walked forward, trying to make sense of something that was impossible.

Tony had been the first to break, quickly followed by May - but it wasn’t until Peter was right in front of her, brown eyes searching her face that it clicked for Michelle that this wasn’t a trick of her mind, wasn’t some kind of illusion or alien decoy.

It was _ Peter _, alive and whole even when less than an hour earlier she’d kissed him goodbye, feeling how cold he was when she did. 

Now, sitting on a medical bench with him - so close to him, she feels like she’s melding herself into him - Peter’s voice brings her back into the moment, the confusion thick as he speaks.

“I don’t understand. It wasn’t my healing?”

Cho shakes her head, Michelle seeing how seemingly baffled she was too - trying to remain professional even if the sight of Peter in front of her had to be difficult for her most of all, knowing Cho didn’t have the luxury of being able to deal with her own grief alongside everyone else’s. 

She’d been treating Peter since he was fifteen, had been the one who had to remain stoic while everyone else crumbled around her. Michelle can tell from how red her eyes were that she’d barely allowed herself the chance to break when Peter had seemingly risen from the dead. 

The shock of this was overwhelming, even if Michelle is thankful. But she had questions - questions that scare her, even if they’re not fully formed.

_ Is this real? _

_ Was he really dead? _

And more importantly, _ How long will this last? _

Cho takes a deep breath before continuing, “There was no healing to be done, Peter. You had no brain function. No pulse. Rigor mortis was already setting in. You were, by any clinical definition, dead. Had been, since the moment Tony brought you in.”

Peter’s eyes glance to Tony who is still staring at him - running a hand through his hair. Michelle is focused on his face, relishing the flush of his cheeks and the way his lips pursed.

“I don’t, I don’t remember anything. I mean I remember what happened,” the whole room flinches at the mention, Michelle seeing the reel running through her mind again as he continued, “But I just woke up. Felt like it always does, waking up in the medbay and waiting to get yelled at.”

No one laughs at Peter’s joke, still too raw from the emotions they’d all felt. He continues anyway.

“So what does this mean? I mean this is crazy right? Is this—can I just not die now?” Peter lets out a laugh, Michelle later remembering how silly it sounded even then. 

Only for Cho’s eyes to darken, folding her arms together as she stared at Peter.

“I’m not sure.”

* * *

“You found out right then?” Annie asked, sitting on the chair beside Michelle, Peter still on the bed on the other side. 

He shook his head. “No, I think everyone was still in too much shock. Dr. Cho did a lot of research but it wasn’t until her and Dr. Banner got together, did some DNA testing that they realized that my telomeres were constantly regenerating.”

Annie nodded, as Michelle expected she would - knowing that she likely had more biological questions considering her background only for her to tilt her head and ask, “But you said you were Blipped? If you’re-“ she gestured vaguely towards him, “you know, incapable of dying then, how did that work?”

Peter smiled, giving a look to Michelle - remembering when that had been her question decades ago - before saying, “That’s actually part of the theory. We don’t know for sure obviously but Dr. Cho theorized that part of the reason why it started was essentially the radioactivity in my DNA fighting back, making sure I didn’t die again.”

Annie nods, waiting as he continues. “I took awhile to… Blip,” Peter pauses, as if the memory is still fresh even if it had been decades ago, “and we think when I came back, it just kind of snapped into overdrive. That and my super healing working together to protect me. Make sure it never happened again.”

Annie just stares at him, quiet as she takes everything in. Michelle had expected her to handle it with grace - not just the knowledge that the man in front of her that looked her age could be her grandfather but that Peter was also Spider-Man, knowing that to her - he was only a hero she’d read in storybooks.

Peter had never been able to Spider-Man again after his public death, no one having the wherewithal to issue a public statement when they weren’t sure how to explain it. 

Michelle watches as Peter gets lost in his own memories, tightening her grip on his hand until he looks at her.

That - giving up Spider-Man, knowing that he was literally unkillable - had been one of the greatest tensions in their marriage after his resurrection, only ending after a particularly nasty fight - when Michelle had left the room in the Compound to sit with May, furious after Peter had been put himself in danger - even knowing that now, there was no danger that could touch him.

He seems to remember it too, squeezing her hand gently as an apology once more - Michelle shaking her head.

That was decades ago now. And they had lived and loved through too much to dwell in the past. 

Michelle wonders if he’ll go back to that, once she’s gone - seeing something in his eyes. She almost thinks to ask him not to, one final promise to her. But Michelle knows - no matter how brief it was - that the expanse of a world without Peter had been unbearable to live with.

She won’t begrudge Peter in the ways he copes with the eternity he has before him.

“So what happened?” Annie’s voice brings Michelle back, both of them turning to her. “I tried looking you up but there’s nothing.” She gives a sheepish smile, as if she knew her curiosity was known to the two of them.

“How did you keep it a secret?”

Michelle glances back to Peter, seeing the sadness in his eyes before looking back to Annie.

“We left.”

* * *

They couldn’t stay in New York.

A nosy journalist - some fresh upstart that had taken too much of an interest in Michelle’s work and her life, asking questions that she didn’t have answers for - was snooping around, Michelle packing her bag as she heard Peter in the other room. 

She was forty-four now, even if her own genetics made it so that she looked almost a decade younger than that. But Peter - walking into the room with a firm expression on his face, bag in hand - still looked just as young and as vibrant as he did when she met him.

Michelle could see it so clearly now, wondering how she’d been so blind before they knew the truth. May and Tony were gone now - Michelle knowing they’d stayed in the city for far longer than they should’ve so that Peter could say goodbye.

It’d been devastating for him - for _ her _ \- to lose them, but it only made Michelle realize that there would be a day when she would leave him too - knowing that no matter how long life gave her, it wouldn’t be enough. 

“You have the passports?” He asked, glancing down to her bag.

Michelle nods. “Both of them. We won’t need them, unless we get caught.”

Peter gives another curt nod, his eyes hard as he seems to run through what else they needed in his mind. Michelle pauses, setting her bag down - Peter furrowing his eyebrows as she walks up to him.

“MJ, we need to go.”

“I’m sorry, Pete. I should’ve known why they were asking so many questions. If I would’ve caught it sooner—“ 

But Peter cuts her off, shaking his head as he sets the bags down and cradles her head in his hands.

“This isn’t you. This is _ me _.” Peter’s voice breaks, Michelle seeing the tears pooling in his eyes.

“_ I’m _sorry, MJ. You have to give up your life, your career, all of this for—“

“None of it matters. Not like you.” Michelle answers, Peter sighing as he bores his eyes into hers.

“You shouldn’t have to choose.” Peter’s lip quivers, reminding her so much of the first time she’d seen it - on a bridge in London thirty years ago.

She thinks back to the feeling that never leaves her - the ache of kissing his cold body goodbye when before she’d known that it wasn’t goodbye at all. They’d argued about this - about him leaving her, letting her stay and live a normal life - but Michelle had been insistent, knowing that she couldn’t willingly live in a world without him - not when she knew what that had felt like, even if it was something that would never really be true. 

“I’ll always choose you, Pete.” She answers, thinking to the words she’d told him - that she’d never stop loving him - and hoping he understands.

Michelle had known from the moment she fell in love with him that her life with Peter would be anything but normal. And if that included leaving everything and everyone behind - she’d do it, knowing she couldn’t bear the idea of being without him again.

Knowing that _ he _ would have to do that someday for her.

“I’m coming with you, Pete. I love you. Always.”

Peter kisses her fiercely, Michelle bringing him closer only till she’s almost breathless - breaking it as he looks back at her with tears in her eyes.

“Always.”  
  


* * *

Annie goes to stand, Peter perking up as she does so. 

“You okay?” He asks, Annie smiling as she nods. 

“I’m fine, Mr. Jo— Mr. Parker.” She corrects herself, Michelle watching as Peter relaxes - knowing it’s been years since he’s been able to be called by his proper name by anyone other than her.

“It’s almost time for Mrs. Parker’s lunch. I should go get it, give you some time alone.”

“I know this is a lot to handle.” Michelle begins but Annie laughs, not unkindly as she walks towards the door.

“I appreciate the thought but, my grandparents were Blipped. I’ve got a cousin who’s a mutant and a sister who almost married a Skrull.” 

Annie smiles, looking at the two of them before she leaves. “Trust me, this really _ isn’t _ the craziest thing I’ve heard.”

Michelle can see that she’s playing it off - knowing that Annie is telling the truth in one aspect, there were much weirder things in their world, but still trying to come to terms with the possibility of immortality. 

She lets her, giving her a warm smile as Annie exits the room.

Peter’s shoulders slump, turning to face her - holding her hand still as Michelle runs her thumb across it.

“We shouldn’t have told her, MJ.”

“She needed to know.” Michelle answers, squeezing Peter’s hand gently. “And _ you _ needed to tell someone.”

“MJ—“

“I know you’re going to leave, Peter. When I’m gone.”

Peter’s eyes are watery, seeing the guilt and the loss so viscerally in his eyes - knowing he’d give almost anything to leave with her. 

She can still remember their wedding day, the vows Peter had tearfully proclaimed - that he’d love her until the day he died.

Now, looking into his eyes - knowing what she did now - Michelle could still see he meant every word, even if dying was something he could never do.

“Wherever you go,” Michelle begins, feeling herself grow tired from the day’s events, “promise me something.”

Peter leans in, bringing her hand to his face - softly brushing his lips against her knuckle, his brown eyes staring into hers as a tear falls.

“Anything.” Peter whispers, Michelle smiling as she continues.

“Don’t be alone forever, Pete.”

“MJ—“

“I know, but listen to me.” Michelle sighs, willing for him to understand. “You need people. You do. You can’t live this life alone. People like Annie,” Michelle nods towards the door - knowing she was coming back any moment, “They’ll remind you of what makes all of this worth it.” 

She lets go of his hand, cradling his face - Peter closing his eyes as he leans into it. Michelle runs her thumb across his cheek, heart breaking at Peter’s next words.

“But what makes any of this worth it if I don’t have you?”

Peter opens his eyes, her own vision blurring as he searches her face - finding the strength to tell him what he needs to hear. 

“Life is still worth living, Pete. No matter what happens. You taught _ me _ that, how much there still is out there.”

Peter says nothing, his eyes looking impossibly young and terribly worn - all at the same time.

“I don’t know what comes next, for any us.” Michelle sighs again, closing her eyes as the oxygen flows into her lungs - knowing her time left with him would end far sooner than she would ever wish for it to.

“But I know this.” Michelle smiles, seeing Peter try to return it though it looks more like a grimace.

“_ You _ don’t have to fear death, but you can’t be afraid of life either. You get to live forever,” Peter’s jaw trembles, Michelle wishing that his lot in life had been more of a blessing than a curse as she presses forward, “But promise me that you won’t forget to actually _ live _.”

Peter rushes forward, kissing her again - Michelle feeling the tears falling from his face. He rests his head against her forehead, holding back a sob.

She’s asking something of him that is unfair, knowing that his grief would overwhelm him - that he wouldn’t have the luxury of being able to move forward, to possibly find love again - not just because of his love for her, but for the impossibility of his condition - the burden of immortality that Michelle knows he would never wish on anyone else.

But Michelle has to ask this of him, one final promise - for him to find people along his path, for him to still find joy with the expanse of forever in front of him - because a world without the hope Peter Parker carries is a world without hope at all. 

If Michelle wouldn’t get to live with him forever - she could hope that her words and her love could help him find the courage that even she couldn’t think herself to have.

Peter had always been the best person she’d ever known, the greatest among them. If anyone could find a way to grapple with finding peace in life where you could never die, Michelle had hope that Peter could be the one to do it.

Peter lets out a shaky breath, leaning back as she looks into his eyes - seeing the acceptance of her words.

He nods his head, Michelle imprinting the way he looks at her forever into her mind. 

If there was any good thing to come from loving someone who was immortal - something that Michelle never once regretted - it was that she could see so clearly the man she had fell in love with, not just because of his facial features but for his eyes - the memories of all the things that they’d faced together.

Of late nights in their early days when they were young, dancing to whatever song had been in his head.

Of loud holidays with their family - all of them - leaning in to the warmth and love that they shared that the years apart couldn’t erase. 

Of quiet days on the beach, in small cities across the world - hiding in plain sight, avoiding the curious stares as they walked down the street together.

Of long afternoons back home in New York, Peter holding her hand while she slept - content just to sit beside her until she drifted from this world to the next. 

Peter squeezes her hand, saying his next words as a promise that death wouldn’t be able to break. 

“I promise, MJ.”

Michelle smiles back, feeling the weight of what he’s saying - knowing as well as she can know anything that Peter Parker would keep his promise, long after she’d faded into dust. 

“I love you.” 

“Love you too. Always.” 

Michelle didn’t know what her end would bring her, whenever it finally came, but she trusted that the memory of Peter’s face would stay with her, the promise that he promised something that could fuel him to keep going long after she was gone.

It’s not enough - she knows it would never be enough, not when the deaths of everyone he’s ever loved hang over him, knowing that she’ll just be another face in the long line of his memories.

She holds his hand tighter, hoping that he leans into it anyway. 

Michelle wouldn’t get to live forever with Peter. 

But she had gotten to live - fully, completely and without regret. 

While it would never be everything, could never be enough time for either of them — Michelle could rest knowing that when she went from one world to the next, that his love would carry her.

And she hoped - in a way that she had never hoped before - that her love would always carry him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _“Don’t be afraid of death, Winnie. Be afraid of the unlived life. You don’t have to live forever. You just have to live.” - Tuck Everlasting_

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Time Has Told Me (Not to Ask For More)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22136071) by [blondsak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blondsak/pseuds/blondsak)


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